I can get used to this....

Since the spring Rob and I have been praying for God to show us what our next step was. Should we stay here in PA and trust for a job or should we look to move on. We had originally moved here with a one year commitment while Rob was in school and now that it was over we needed to decide. So it didn't take long before we knew- we were to move on, but not yet and we didn't know where.

We wanted desperately to move to SC near some sweet friends who made a great case for us to move there. I was ready to go without looking at it or even praying, but alas every time we tried to take steps in that direction God said no. Then we tried a place in NC and again He said no and again He said not yet.

It was on 4th of July when I felt strongly that God was saying NOW- now is the time I release you and now is the time to get ready. I said ok, but where? I was quick to remind Him that He had shot down my great ideas, I was still a little bitter about SC! He said don't worry about that. I said, well how? We don' t have the finances. Which he replied, Don't worry about it, I do. So, I made my calculations and asked God to supply that number. From then on I went to the mailbox with an expectant heart. I had no idea where it would come from but everyday, I looked for it.

People asked, so what are you doing to get the money to move and we would say- nothing. Part of us felt irresponsible. We both wanted to run out and get a part time job to help pay for it but God said- I have it covered. So we waited and waited and waited. I cried and got impatient and asked Him what He was waiting for. He would remind me that I can trust Him and so I did.

At one point Malinda asked me, "Are we poor?". (She knew we couldn't move yet because we didn't have the money.) I said, No we aren't, because everything belongs to God and we are His kids and he has promised to share it all with us." I told her it was like when she asked Daddy for something and she knew he would give it to her because everything He has is for us. She was satisfied with this answer and I was reminded and encouraged to not waver in my faith. So, I kept packing and waiting for the mail to arrive. I became excited to see how Father God was going to surprise us with this money.

This morning we were told that the full amount for what we needed will be given to us this weekend. I can not tell you how pleased I was to hear this. How excited I am to tell my daughter that our rich Daddy has taken care of us once again. I can get used to this trusting God for everything. Isn't that what we are supposed to do anyways? Not worry about tomorrow? Not worry about anything? Know that God loves us and as His sons we are privy to all that is His. It was easy to sit back and trust for this money to come in but I have to say that it was easier then in the past. Hopefully this means I might be beginning to get this concept!

Grace in the Home?

There is no greater task then to raise your children and be able to help shape them to be the best them they can be. I have always taken this task to heart. When I dedicated my children I spent time in prayer beforehand seeking God on what that meant. I didn't dedicate either of them until I knew in my heart that I was ready to give them back to Father God and let Him guide their paths. Of course in my selfish and controlling ways I often have to be reminded that they are not mine but His.

It's been interesting to watch my children's personalities take shape and see who they are. With Malinda we have seen this earlier on as she came out of the womb talking and expressing herself quite well- too well! Of course I know she will change and grow over the years but there are some things that are just her. As I watch her I can also see those areas that Satan will be quick to swoop in and continually speak lies to her about herself. It breaks my heart when I see this and I am so quick to blame myself and see all my failures as a mother. I am always praying that the Holy Spirit will make up for my weaknesses, my failures, my mistakes. That He would speak truth to those areas.

Somewhere along the road I feel as if some of my passion and focus on raising my children with purpose has been lost or misplaced. I have gotten into that lazy parenting mode of reacting instead of responding with purpose. So, as Rob and I were talking about this the other night we talked about wanting to show more grace. To err on the side of too much grace rather than not enough. We started wondering what that would look like? My personality doesn't allow for much grace. To me it's being permissive or allowing them to walk all over us. I don't want to have those kind of children. I don't want to be one of those moms that people (me) look at think what is wrong with her? Why doesn't she pop him and get it over with???

If, as parents- especially dads, we represent Father God to our children then I think there should be more grace. But what does that look like????? So, we have talked about embarking on an experiment of grace. To see what grace would look like in our family for a month. We aren't quite ready because we aren't sure where to begin. We will be praying and seeing what God shows us but we are curious what any of you might have to say. Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts....while you are at it please subscribe/follow my blog.

Seriously?

So, I have been all geared up for this new season God has been preparing for us. He has given me a glimpse of what was to come and a sense that it was not a long way off. So, I began doing what I do best, well in my opinion at least, I began planning and preparing. I made my list and became Rob's favorite pushy little broad. We were and are moving at a high speed to get ourselves ready for the new season we are about to embark upon.

Did you hear that? The sound of tires screeching to a hault? That would be me. Thank you very much. You might have even heard a few choice words come out as well saying what the heck is the holdup? Who is up there holding this thing up? Oh, excuse me sir, I didn't see you. Yes, Father, I will kindly get out of your driver's seat and find my booster seat in the back. Yes, sir, I remember us talking about me staying out of the front seat and how it was not good for me or anyone else for that matter. Um, Father, can I please have my sippy cup as I crawl in the back? Thank you, yes, I love you too!

You get the picture. This is a strange one though- I'll tell you. We are so excited about the new season and we were transitioning pretty smoothly and the only reason I am struggling with this is because I forgot that everything- EVERYTHING- even the good fun stuff happens in His timing and not mine. I am realizing that He has a few more things to do in us and through us before we enter the next season. Perhaps it's time for a Gilgal moment before we watch Him crumble the walls before us like dust. For so long I have longed to reach our Promised Land and I know God has been taking us out of the desert and leading us there and when I stop long enough I can see He is most definitely up to something.

He knows what He is doing and He has every intention of continuing this journey with us but first we have a little business to take care of and being this close to the Promised Land i certainly do not want to fail Him now. He has been so faithful to us and I know whatever is standing between me and the coming season is God planned and so it's all ok.

There For A Reason

Years ago we somehow acquired a box set of cards to memorizes scriptures from The Message. I don't think either of us have ever really used it but we both intend to and somehow it's even missing the week 2 card. Anyway, since Malinda is now memorizing scripture (and trying to use it against others...we'll have to work on that) I figured I should probably give it a whirl myself.

So, week one was Deuteronomy 7:9 "Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments for a thousand generations." (The Message)There is so much to be said about this scripture alone but it was when I read the chapter in it's entirety that I really got excited.

I am not sure if it's the lesson learned or the simplicity of it all that excites me more! As I read Deuteronomy 7 I see it's a powerful chapter full of instructions and encouragement from the Father to His children as they prepare to enter the land He had promised them. So many lessons to be learned but the simplest most practical lesson, in my opinion, is found in verse 22 "The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you." (NIV) The Message says it this way, God, your God, will get rid of these nations, bit by bit. You won't be permitted to wipe them out all at once lest the wild animals take over and overwhelm you.

There are so many time that I know I am where I am supposed to be in life. It may look like chaos and a complete mess to anyone else but I KNOW it's exactly where I am supposed to be, yet I get frustrated when Father God doesn't take care of all the hurdles in my way. I get distracted and begin to feel forgotten, abandoned, duped by God. I mean after all, if He wants me in a particular season wouldn't He remove the very things keeping me from living in my dream home? I mean I get it that He is in control and everything is in His timing yada yada yada. BUT this verse gives me an explanation as to why sometimes, He moves slower than makes sense to me or anyone else!

It's because He LOVES me! He is protecting me from an unknown danger. He knows that in the absence of some obstacles other more challenging obstacles will swoop in and possibly overtake me. Yet, again, everything He does, and I mean EVERYTHING He does is because He loves me. Sometimes those obstacles that seem so big and scary and really should have been dealt with already is actually still there, to protect me.

So, I guess I either trust Him or I don't.....my choice won't affect His love for me. It only affects how well I am able to receive it.

So Much More....

I have a confession to make....I am a Beth Moore junkie! I love to hear her speak- can't really get into her books but LOVE her teachings. I mean when I turned 30 I told Rob all I wanted was to meet her and have lunch with her so I could pick her brain. It didn't happen- I was disappointed. I don't even think he really tried, but that is another story.

So, I find myself on the brink of tears whenever I sit and listen to her. All kinds of emotions and spiritual things start going off inside of me when I get the privilege to hear her speak. It takes a lot for me to really go deep with someone when they are speaking- but she makes it so easy.

This past Saturday I, along with 300,000+ women around the country, was able to attend her simulcast that went along with her new book So Long, Insecurity. She did not disappoint! There she was with her colorful flowy shirt,hair that was less than perfect, her southern sense of humor and most of all her passion and sincere love for the Father. I was happy to be there but not really sure what to expect from this time with her via satellite.

Her focus was on what a secure woman looked like. She spoke from Ephesians 4 and opened the teaching with verse 1"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." She spent some time reminding us all that we have been given a calling and we are so quick to allow our insecurities to hold us back from experiencing all that God has for us. She described us standing before God and watching the big screen as He played on it the life we were meant to live but didn't because we held back. This verse was the foundation for much of what she taught on. Living a life worthy of what God has called us into.

So, I diligently filled page after page after page of notes as she shared the lessons God had been teaching and revealing to her. It was good- really good. Then as we prepared to break for lunch she had us stand to pray and all of a sudden I heard the Holy Spirit begin talking to me. Like rattling things off to me I had to sit down and start writing. (It amazes me how He can say so much in a matter of seconds!)

He began to say to me that I am valuable to Him. I have value and yet I am settling for so much less than He has for me. It started off with images of ways I "reward" myself. Oh, I had a rough day, I deserve this ice cream. Oh, Rob has not measured up my impossible demands so I deserve this and so on and so on and so on. He showed me that when I reach out and snatch these immediate gratifications I am settling. I am missing out on what He really has in store for me. I deserve so much more!

He then reminded me of a dream He gave me when I was 15. A dream of myself reaching out and taking a gift for fear I would not receive one just to find later that I didn't get the entire gift because I was too impatient to wait on the gift giver. He began to remind me that I am his son- which means I am valuable and worthy of so much more than this world can ever offer me. He told me that as long as I reach out and snatch a gift up for myself I would be missing out on all that He has for me.

The cry of my heart for years has been to live the life I was meant to live. To be restored to the person God designed me to be when I was still in my mother's womb. I want to receive and experience all that He meant for me. It's hard being a princess when you live in a kingdom that is so drab compared to the Kingdom you come from but have yet to fully see.

So, as dear sweet Beth finished her prayer and prepared to send us off to our boxed lunches I realized that God had brought me to that place to give me that message. all the rest was icing but this was the main course and I LOVE that it came straight from His mouth to my heart!

Full Cirlce

I LOVE those moments when you see things come together. Those moments that all of a sudden you see what God was doing all along. Rob and I had several of these moments this past weekend. We had the chance to return to Ambridge, PA where we had pastored for 9 months. Our time pastoring in Ambridge was one of the most painful yet richest times of our lives. It was a time of total dependency on God. We didn't move until He said move. We didn't speak unless He told us to and we only left because He said it was time. This weekend we finally saw some of the beautiful fruits of our time there.Of course we know that we only played a small part of bearing these fruits but we are so proud to have played any part at all in this beautiful body.

It doesn't escape me that we were there for the same duration of a pregnancy. Just as pregnacy can be difficult and uncomfortable you know it's all worth it because there will be a beautiful life as a result of all the discomfort. This weekend we got to hold our baby for the first time. We cried as we watched the people of this beautful church walking in the promises of God. We were able to see the answer to our prayers for so many lives and it felt so good. So good to know that we did not labor all that time and walk out of the hospital empty handed. I am so thankful that Father God understood our need to return and feel the love of that family even though we were not even aware of how great that need was.

It was a full circle kind of weekend and I am so very encouraged to keep walking on this journey. So excited to see what is in store for us. Excited to open myself up to the next adventure.

Wide Open Spaces

Recently the group of women I get together with twice a month to do a Bible study with has changed it's focus. No longer are we gathering together to hear a lesson brought by one person (namely me) but rather we are now collectively listening to hear what God is saying to us as individuals and as a whole. Pretty crazy idea if I don't say so myself- to actually give everyone the chance to hear and share, but I digress. Anyway so right now we decided to read Romans on our own and share what God shows us when we get back together. This leads me to write this morning.

The phrase that I am left with this morning is Wide Open Spaces. Of course I can not say that phrase without thinking about that country song from a few years a go- was that the Dixie Chicks? Anyways, this morning I was reading Romans 4 & 5. Chapter 4 has been a favorite of mine for years now and yet this morning the Holy Spirit showed me something new and how it connects with chapter 5 mainly verse 2.

To start, Romans 4:1-5 says ^1-3 So how do we fit what we know of Abraham, our first father in the faith, into this new way of looking at things? If Abraham, by what he did for God, got God to approve him, he could certainly have taken credit for it. But the story we're given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, "Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own." ^4-5If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift. (Romans 4:1-5, The Message)

What set Abraham right with God was simply trusting God. Abraham walked into what God was already doing for Him. No longer was Abraham praying for God to do this or that but instead Abraham forgot his own agenda and simply and blindly stepped into God's plan for His life. It was His faith- his trusting God that found God's approval. So often we spend our energies praying for God to fix this or that or change this or that when our focus is simply to be TRUSTING God. Walking with your focus on Him and trusting that He is in control and knows exactly what He is doing.

Then Romans 5:1-2 says ^1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. (Romans 5:1-2, The Message)

When we finally throw open our doors, our arms, to God. When we finally stop holding back for fear of what we lose. When we finally enter into God's plan and quit trying to do our own we will then FINALLY see that all along God has had His doors- His arms wide open to us. When we fling open that door we will be flooded with warmth and light and fresh air. We will be right where we always wanted to be- in a place of freedom, of grace, a place to stand tall and shout praise, a place where we are unconfined!

We hold so much back from Father God for fear of what we will lose, that we are robbing ourselves of all that we stand to gain. How amazing is His love! He is so good and LOVES us so!!! The sad thing is that so many of us have opened the door and thought we were living in that Wide Open Place but really I believe we have only stepped into that place and have not truly embraced all that it is. I am so ready to run head on into that sacred space and dance my heart out for a Father a King who is so worthy of all our love!

2009

I love New Year's for all the same reasons most people do. The chance to reflect on the past, change things about life for the future and of course an excuse to eat what you want one last time before the holidays are over. For me this year it's a little different. As I am reflecting I am seeing all the ways Father God has pressed me, molded me and stripped me of the useless things in my life. I am seeing that this past year was full of His handiwork and He took me places I never thought I would go. As I look forward to the coming year it's not with a list of changes I want to make, although I could come up with plenty, but rather it is with an open and willing heart to whatever the Father has in store for me.

When I was living in Ambridge, PA (that would be 2 moves ago) I prayed a sincere prayer that Father God would restore me to be the person He had originally designed me to be. I asked Him to bang out all the dents that life, sin and stupidity had left on me. I asked Him to restore me to my original purpose, no matter how painful that would be for me. Well, He has been faithful to honor that prayer ever since. (I'll save the stories of how He answered that prayer for another time or ten.) This year has been full of those changes and although it feels uncomfortable at the moment, like the soreness or downright pain after a good workout, I am begging Him for more because the results are amazing.

So, this coming year I am simply praying the prayer again,

Father, I love you and I want to be what you designed me to be. I am tired of living life broken, dented, lost and useless. I want to be the person you thought of when you saw me in my mother's womb. I want to be as beautiful as you meant for me to be. So, I invite you to continue this process of restoring me back to my original purpose. It has been painful but I can see the results and you are right- I am beautiful. Please, don't leave me for a second as I can not get through this process alone. I need you so very much and I love you even more! So, let's start this new year off right- just please take the lead. I love you.

Happy 2010, Everyone!