Is It Enough

Walking through this season of change has been beyond interesting and even annoying. I mean I am annoying myself with the overuse of these words, journey, season, change. Blah, blah, blah.... OK so maybe it has something to do with the fact that I like accomplishing things. I reeeeeally like to cross things off my list and lately there is no list to make and nothing to cross off. This I find disturbing. It would be nice if i knew just how long this was supposed to last and just what was supposed to be accomplished. But I am thinking that is not in the plans.

So, yes lots is being accomplished. Hurts are being healed. Beliefs are being challenged and defined. Time is being taken to breathe and listen. And of course areas in desperate need of attention are being pointed out so lovingly by the Counselor.Maybe I should make a list as I go and then I can cross it off as I go....no? OK, maybe not.

One of the biggest things for me is the question of Now what???? I know what we have walked away from and what aspects I don't want to return to but I can't tell you what I am to walk towards as far as a ministry. So, I keep asking and asking and asking for just a glimpse of the future and you know what He has been showing me? A whole lot of nothing! So, I keep asking and asking and asking, maybe He didn't hear me the first few times. Still nothing! So, as I am waiting for this response that is sure to come any day now I find myself feeling drawn to my family. Drawn to investing in my husband and my children. I feel a longing to create a space that is a sanctuary of love and grace. I get frustrated with the things standing in my way and all I can see is that time is getting away from me. So, then I go back to praying for God to show me what my next ministry role will be. And then the Counselor becomes the Pitcher and throws a fastball right at my head and says helllllllo!!!! I am answering you and I finally begin to see that He has been answering me. He is calling me to a small people group of the Franklin Clan.

Really? Is that enough? I mean I will always invest in my family but that is what you want me to pour myself into? Then I think about the times I was "serving in ministry" and all I could think about was how much energy I was investing in others and how little was left for those most precious to me. So, even though I am pretty sure I already know the answer to this question I am asking myself.... Is that enough. I know along the way He will have me get involved with things but what He is calling me to right now is this.....My Family, My Home.

Just as I was asking this question, more as a way to process this assignment, this was what I read.