2009

I love New Year's for all the same reasons most people do. The chance to reflect on the past, change things about life for the future and of course an excuse to eat what you want one last time before the holidays are over. For me this year it's a little different. As I am reflecting I am seeing all the ways Father God has pressed me, molded me and stripped me of the useless things in my life. I am seeing that this past year was full of His handiwork and He took me places I never thought I would go. As I look forward to the coming year it's not with a list of changes I want to make, although I could come up with plenty, but rather it is with an open and willing heart to whatever the Father has in store for me.

When I was living in Ambridge, PA (that would be 2 moves ago) I prayed a sincere prayer that Father God would restore me to be the person He had originally designed me to be. I asked Him to bang out all the dents that life, sin and stupidity had left on me. I asked Him to restore me to my original purpose, no matter how painful that would be for me. Well, He has been faithful to honor that prayer ever since. (I'll save the stories of how He answered that prayer for another time or ten.) This year has been full of those changes and although it feels uncomfortable at the moment, like the soreness or downright pain after a good workout, I am begging Him for more because the results are amazing.

So, this coming year I am simply praying the prayer again,

Father, I love you and I want to be what you designed me to be. I am tired of living life broken, dented, lost and useless. I want to be the person you thought of when you saw me in my mother's womb. I want to be as beautiful as you meant for me to be. So, I invite you to continue this process of restoring me back to my original purpose. It has been painful but I can see the results and you are right- I am beautiful. Please, don't leave me for a second as I can not get through this process alone. I need you so very much and I love you even more! So, let's start this new year off right- just please take the lead. I love you.

Happy 2010, Everyone!

My Obsession

Since I will not join the masses in watching the midnight showing of the much awaited New Moon I thought I would pay tribute to the book with my first blog post.

For me the obsession has died down, somewhat. I have certain friends who help keep things in perspective. They make sure I remember that there are sparkly people out there and good werewolves and if we are lucky they will find us. Ok, not really but hey for us it's an escape from bills, husbands, children, etc. I have never read such large books with such fervor! I couldn't put them down. I all but ignored my family for a few days as I read these. I went to sleep thinking about them and woke up reaching for my book. My husband informed he did not like me when I read those books. I told him to be careful or I would use my shield on him!

So, I took all the quizzes, read the books several times each(did I mention they are like huge????)scoured the Internet for MORE MORE MORE. I began wondering what this obsession was about. I knew it wasn't the romance or the teenage angst that had me hooked. (Can I just say that the idea of crooning over teenage boys kind of creeps me out) So, I laid the books down for a week (Rob decided he liked me less when I was denying myself all things Twilight) and began trying to figure this out. This is what I came up with.... oh and this is my blog so no laughing!

This comes straight from my journal (minus the more embarrassing stuff)....

So, since it's not the romance what is it? It's the supernatural. It's the idea that there are all these nonhuman creatures and powers. I find myself thinking about the characters at odd times. Like they are weaving into my world. Why?

I think it's because sometimes I don't feel like I belong to this world- this human world. Like I am always forcing myself to connect and belong. I know I belong to something more. I am not mere human- I am more. I belong to something - something much more powerful.

In this story I am Bella- not quite belonging to this world but torn. She is passionately connected with Edward and is willing to leave it all behind to be a part of his world. She can't bear to be separated from him. As much as I try to place Rob in the role of Edward it's not his role to play. I can't be attached to him like Bella is to Edward. It's Jesus who is playing the role of Edward. I can only be truly known by Jesus. I can only cling to Him knowing that it's worth leaving everything behind to be in His world- forever.

I don't want to be a part of this human world. It holds nothing for me- just familiarity. I feel awkward and unseen, confused and clumsy. It's in Jesus' world that I feel whole- peace- happy- content. I can shine in his world.

Bella made a hard decision. She loved Jacob and wanted a life with him- a good life- one that would look a little like her old life. It would be familiar and safe- kind of, she could be happy- kind of, she would be special- kind of. She came to realize that as much as she loved Jacob and the life they could have together she knew she could not exist without Edward. She was willing to enter his world and leave everything else behind- even if it meant it would be harder. She knew it was what she was meant to be.

We all have the same choice - to cling to what we love and could easily be a part of or do we leave it all behind to walk into the arms of the one we belong to. The one we can't exist without. Bella actually was the strongest one- she made the tough decisions even when it hurt.

Yes, I am on Team Edward!

So, now that I sorted some of that stuff out the books have found a healthy place in my life. I won't lie- I got a little giddy when I saw the Edward action figure at Target the other day.(He's all sparkly!) I tried to convince a friend to fly to Utah with me for the big New Moon event and I do really wish Stephenie Meyer would continue the series, but oh well. Next week I will sit in the theater with bated breath and see if the movie makers did this book any justice and of course they won't but it will be nice to see it come to life.

I also will continue to try and make the complete transformation and leave all things behind to live in my Jesus' world completely and eternally!