A Little Sunlight

The other day I found myself alone in my apartment on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Rob was at work and my lovely mother in law had just picked up my kiddos for an overnight adventure. I thought about running errands but then the rain turned from a gentle sprinkle to a heavy downpour. I decided to stay in and lay on the couch watching three of the Twilight movies. After all, I could watch them in the living room without the fear of some little eyes catching a glimpse of something as horrible as Kristen Stewart's acting. It was great and when it was all over I said to my husband who was now home- I want to be a Vampire or a Witch! (I also just finished reading/watching the Harry Potter series) Now before you start praying for my soul or leaving snarky comments hear me out.

It's the same way I felt when I first read Twilight. This fascination of other beings. Of having powers beyond the ordinary. To be able to solve all my problems with a wave of a wand or with the help of a wolf pack. Oh how easy life would be if it weren't for being a mere mortal.

I have been feeling very fragile and mortal these days. Feeling betrayed by my own body and not able to do a thing about it. Unable to will myself to do the things I once enjoyed. Powerless against the feelings of sadness. Worn out from wearing the mask of all is well,in order to function in society. It's been tough and I have felt very very human.

Today, driving in the car with my wee ones I popped in a CD I had not listened to in a while. I was only half listening until I heard an old lifeline singing out to me. It was Mandisa singing that God is With Me. No matter what I am going through He is with me. He is with me through the tears. He is with me through the change of medication. He is with me as I lay in bed willing myself to get up. He is with me- He is with me-He is with me.

I am reminded that I may be human but I am more than a powerless Muggle. I have my own source of power. When I remember to tap into this source I somehow feel a tad more hopeful. A little more sunlight shines in. A smile is not forced but genuine.

I know I am not defeated. I know I have a future. I know I am not alone. I know I am the daughter of the KING. I am powerful and I am walking in faith to trust that I will find some peace. That we will figure out the right medication and I will laugh again.

So, although vampires and witches have cooler accessories I will strive to embrace and practice my own brand of power.