White Flag

There is this great scene in the show Parenthood where Sydney, an only child who has never lost a game thanks to her over indulgent parents, has a temper tantrum beyond belief. After her parents confine her in her bedroom to calm down they find her hours later asleep. So worn out from fighting and proclaiming her resentment of her parent's decision that they find her sprawled out in the middle of the aftermath of her rage. Mom and Dad scoop her up and put her to bed all while commenting on what an awful precious child they have. Oh heck just stop and go watch it. I couldn't find the clip anywhere but here is the episode.

Today I feel like Sydney. Sprawled out in my own mess. Too tired to fight. Too tired to cry or persuade or even talk.  I surrender. I put up my white flag and surrender.

I have been praying for God to have His way and I was confident I knew what that was. It was even clear to those around us who all agreed that our plan would certainly be God's plan too. I was convinced that my plan was going to come through. Well, guess what? You guessed it- It Did Not!  What?! No, no, no....I will fix it. But I couldn't. The more I tried the more frustrated I got and the more consumed I became.

This outcome does not look anything like what I wanted and prayed about. In fact it is the worse case scenario of my plans. I cried, I texted, I pleaded and here I now sit worn out and tired. How can this be?! My plan is a good one! Everyone agrees with me! Well, almost everyone!

Father, I know you see what I can not. I know you love me and I know you have never ever failed me. I don't like this- no, not one bit. I think my plan might just be better. But I surrender. I surrender to you and your plan for me. Help me. Help me to honor the place you have chosen for me. Help me to see what you see.

You, the creator of all things. You the sustainer of all things. You, the Master. You, the Father. Me, the child. Me, the servant. Me, the creation. Me, must be still and listen.