So have you ever bleed all over someone and then afterwards you feel kind of funny being around them because you can smell the faint trace of your own blood still on them. You feel all embarrassed and a bit ridiculous for sharing so much of yourself. That is exactly how I feel. Now that the bleeding has stopped and the healing has begun, I feel a bit icked out by the fact that I shared so much of myself with others. Maybe that is why speaking with a counselor is so nice. I don't have to face him at a potluck or over communion.
It's hard to want to move forward with things but know that they all know. They all know I bleed, that I struggle, that sometimes I hold on for dear life and pray for peace. They know that as incredibly strong as I can be- I am also so very fragile.
It's at this moment I decide if I value community or not. Am I in a healthy community that can handle the reality of who I am and still love me? Is it a safe place that won't pull out the blood stained shirt and remind me of my past struggles? Is it a place that will quietly wash the blood away as they pray for me and celebrate the healing? Celebrate the growth and give God the glory when I dance in the morning light?
I somehow already know the answer, even if the questions like to linger.
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