My Lenten Journey

Lent is coming to an end and I am both excited and scared. I started the 40+ days excited and gungho only to wane by day 3 when the excuses and justification set in. It quickly became clear to me how important of a role community would play for me over the next month. How much I would need to hear the successes and struggles of those in my tribe. How much I would depend on the daily texts reminding me I wasn't on this journey alone.

During Lent, which is pretty much a foreign practice for me, I have become painfully aware of weaknesses and faulty places in my life that I have allowed to grow so deep in my identity that I can not imagine my life without them. I have seen just how powerless I am to my will and desires. I am nothing and have nothing on my own.

Just about the time I was so pissed off with this idea of dying to self and identifying with Christ's death, that I was purposely failing at Lent, I began to hear stories of change and hope coming from those I am currently traveling with. Changes that I knew could only be a result of one dying to self and allowing life to flow from the Creator. I became envious and hungry for my own change. Hungry and desperate for hope. A hope that had long died many failed attempts earlier.

It was as if I was standing in that room of mirrors with Stacy and Clinton pointing out all my over sized, out of date, torn items of clothing. Wanting to desperately change my wardrobe but not knowing how so I just didn't. As Lent is coming to an end I am longing for Easter! I am longing to begin a journey of life. Jesus didn't go through the torture and humiliation of Good Friday so I would continue to wallow around in my weakness. He suffered so I might live. Not in a cliche way but in a powerful and real way. If I love Him as I proclaim to then I owe it to Him to respect His sacrifice. To stop living a life He never wanted for me.

I am free.....free of shame....free of hopelessness....free of being powerless.

Come Easter I will begin to take steps, with the help of my community, and more importantly my Savior, to walk into the life He meant for me.