My Mother's Day Journey

It's Mother's Day this weekend and being a mom has consumed me and changed me on so many levels, yet I still remember the days of dreading this holiday. The days of putting on a smile to hide the ache my heart and arms felt. The worst and best Mother's Day was when my husband gave me a gift of a beautiful Willow Tree Figurine that literally caused me to shove it away from me when I opened it. All I could ask was "Why? Why would you give this to me?" After all, we had been told by several doctors that we would never have children and to go on with life. So, when he answered, "Because I believe one day we will have children and I want you to have this for when we do." I cried and clung to him wanting to believe as he did.

The first time we were told we wouldn't have kids was the same week we were told that my husband had an aggressive brain tumor and if he survived all treatments he could live a normal life, but without bearing children. We were given the option of holding off on treatments to give us a chance to conceive some babies but that was out of the question. We trusted that God already knew this was going to happen and if we were supposed to have children He would have told us before this and He hadn't. So, after nine months of surgeries, chemo and horrendous radiation my husband survived cancer. In fact he is cured and celebrating 10 years cancer free this summer!

Once Rob was back on his feet and doing well I set to work at having that family I believed we would have. We spoke to the Oncologist again about having children and he again told us that it wasn't going to happen for us- not ever. So, I cried and prayed and then got up and sent away for information on international adoption. I was so passionate about this that I never gave my husband a chance to tell me how he really felt about this, not that i would have listened at that point. SO, it was Father God's voice that spoke loud and clear to me when He told me to stop. Stop planning and trying to adopt. He told me that although adoption is a wonderful thing it was NOT His plan for our family. He said loud and clear that I would be Sarai if I tried to pursue this path. So, I cried again, threw all the papers away and waited.

Mother's Day
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Mother's Day
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Mother's Day
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Mother's Day

I would beg Father God just to tell me yes or no. Would we have children or not. If not then I could allow myself to move on, but all He said was ..... wait. And so we did.

This post is already getting to be way too long so I will spare you all the emotion, pain and struggle of those 4 1/2 years of waiting. But things did begin to change the spring of 2005. I began to throw myself at the feet of the Lord and cry out to Him in a new way. I began voicing my desire for a miracle, even if I didn't dare to hope for one. It was about this time I was invited to attend a Beth Moore Bible study called Believing God. The first week of this study, Beth exhorted us and warned us that we would see some amazing miracles in our groups by the end of the study. In this process my approach to God completely changed.

No longer was I begging Him as if He might say no. No longer was I waiting to see whether He wanted me to have a child or not but rather I began going to the Father and reminding Him that there is not one example of a woman in the Bible who wanted a child that He did not bless with a child.
Rachel
Ruth
Hannah
Elizabeth
I had a new boldness and expectation about my prayers. I saw how my Father had not forgotten my sisters and surely would not forget me.

By the end of that Bible Study I was excited to share that I had received my miracle and I was carrying a child that I was told over and over again would never be.

My Father had not forgotten me and I know He never will.

Pregnant With Malinda Spring 06



Nothing is impossible with God!





Pregnant with Sam 08



Nothing Can Separate me from the love of God!



Celebrating Rob's 10 Year Cancer Survivor Walk