How can I be so deliriously happy yet so incredibly desperate at the same time? I have never been happier than I am now. Happy with choices we have made in the past two years that have changed everything....well almost everything. My friendship with Rob is stronger, my role as a mother is more fulfilling, my view of the world is bigger, relationships are more authentic and enriching. So much in my life seems to have come together, yet there is still so much that I feel uncertain about.
As my view of the world changes and I experience God in new ways I struggle to know how far to allow myself to broaden. How wide is too much? How far do I go? How do I reconcile the practices of my past with the new heart stirring within me? Father, never let me stray too far!
My husband works so hard for his family and all while still dealing with the aftershocks of intense chemo and radiation from a decade ago. He gives his all for us and the return is not enough. I would love more than anything for him to get to enjoy the benefits of his commitment and hard work. Father, show us the way to a new career path.
If there is one thing I want to get right in this world it is my children. What does that look like? What does it look like to be successful in raising my children? Am I cut out for the task? Father, guide me and strengthen me to be the mother my children need. Help me to forgive my failures and entrust our children to you while fighting like hell for them.
My heart is both heavy and light. I feel the joy of sharing my burdens with others yet I want to hide in shame. I want to cry and laugh all at once. Father, help me to embrace each moment knowing that you are not finished with our story,
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