I was talking with a friend via email recently and as we talked about the process Rob and I are currently walking out she expressed her excitement for us and then said "don't be surprised if it feels like it's getting worse before it feels better". Wow! Was she right. Early into this God told me this would be a season of good things. Of course I interpreted that as meaning less struggle and more good stuff. Hahaha! What a naivete I can be! After all much of the struggles we face are bringing about good stuff in our life or says James and some of those other up close Jesus followers say.
I do want to say that there has been many many good things already given in this season. One of the richest things that has happened with very little struggle has been the group of friends we have found. Both in our spiritual community and in other areas of life. It has been such a breath of life - literally- to be surrounded by other people who are trying to live their lives as Father God has designed us to. It has blessed us more than they can ever know! Along with that we have been blessed with family and jobs and a great home and ...and....and... you get the picture.
But I have a feeling the really good stuff. The stuff that is going to make us really shine as He intended for us to is going to come as we deal with this hard stuff. The stuff that makes me weep and hide in my closet (albeit a nice walk in closet which I have never had before) and cry out to my Father to heal and help me make sense if it all. The stuff that seems to be the source of what makes Rob and I square off with each other like we were both fighting for our lives only to see the other hurt and thus we hurt. The stuff that we have been so busy doing doing doing that we have forgotten to live and deal with.
Through the tears and sounding like a crazy lady who can't always articulate what I am going through or even where I am hoping to land- I have PEACE. True peace knowing that God is in control and He will not leave me to cry so long and so hard that all that is left of me is tears. I have peace knowing that He will lead me to still waters not to the waters that are so great that I have almost drowned. No He will not leave me in this state but He is changing me and molding me and polishing me up. He is way too good for me but I am at peace knowing that He loves me so much more than I can ever fathom and He is making something new and beautiful and I am willing to let the snot run out of my nose as I weep and I am willing to find a way to face the ugly in me and my life in order to embrace the beauty that seems so impossible to even imagine but i know is there and is coming.
I was doing my bible reading from the One Year Bible today, and today's reading was from Exodus 23:14 - 25:40. One excerpt of it was:
ReplyDelete20 “See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you. 21 Pay close attention to him, and obey his instructions. Do not rebel against him, for he is my representative, and he will not forgive your rebellion. 22 But if you are careful to obey him, following all my instructions, then I will be an enemy to your enemies, and I will oppose those who oppose you. 23 For my angel will go before you and bring you into the land of the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites, so you may live there. And I will destroy them completely. 24 You must not worship the gods of these nations or serve them in any way or imitate their evil practices. Instead, you must utterly destroy them and smash their sacred pillars.
25 “You must serve only the Lord your God. If you do, I[d] will bless you with food and water, and I will protect you from illness. 26 There will be no miscarriages or infertility in your land, and I will give you long, full lives.
27 “I will send my terror ahead of you and create panic among all the people whose lands you invade. I will make all your enemies turn and run. 28 I will send terror[e] ahead of you to drive out the Hivites, Canaanites, and Hittites. 29 But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals would multiply and threaten you. 30 I will drive them out a little at a time until your population has increased enough to take possession of the land. 31 And I will fix your boundaries from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean Sea,[f] and from the eastern wilderness to the Euphrates River.[g] I will hand over to you the people now living in the land, and you will drive them out ahead of you.
32 “Make no treaties with them or their gods. 33 They must not live in your land, or they will cause you to sin against me. If you serve their gods, you will be caught in the trap of idolatry.”
When I read your blog, it reminded me of what I read today. God didn't promise everything all at once - he promised it would be theirs, but they would have to obey him and not rebel against him, and a little at a time, the land would be theirs.
I like your perspective and how it's similar. You know he promises good things for you. But you are experiencing things a little at a time. You have to go through some hardships and getting to where he promises little by little before you get to your Promised Land.
Sorry to make that so long. I always think it's neat when I read something or hear something and it pops up more than once in a short period. I have something else that happened to me today that I should blog about. :)
Thanks, Jennifer! I too love it when you seem to hear God repeating a message to you in different places, voices or forms! It is a reminder of how personal He is and how He loves to surprise us! Thanks for reading and sharing!
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