No Four Leaf Clovers

When I think of Ireland I automatically think of all the images I have seen in movies and TV Shows. The happy, jovial people who are associated with a green land speckled with tales of leprechauns and fairies. Ireland is a place of dreams for many people.  A place to visit, kiss a rock, drink a pint and take amazing pictures. I admit that I had a hard time understanding why my sister and brother in law felt a draw to a country that seemed so touristy in my opinion.

But here I am, feeling frozen to the bone as I sit in front of a roaring fire fueled by coal in a cottage on the coastal city of Galway. A beautiful place most recently made popular as being the partial setting for one of my favorite movies, P.S. I Love You. It is a magical place for sure! It's a place that you literally feel the history of the place is still with you. A place that makes me want to know more about the people who live here. As I begin to ask questions and flip through the library of books my sister has acquired to learn more about her new home, I quickly realize that our image of Ireland is far from reality.

There are no four leaf clovers to be found or happy little men singing it up in pubs on the country side. Rather there is a rich history of a people who have only been free in their own land for less than 100 years. A people who have suffered in their own land as others came to rob them of their freedom, dignity and resources. A people who have great pride in their country and history and rejects the stereotype that most media likes to portray.

I wonder why media prefers to play up these cartoon versions of the Irish rather than speak of the horrific famine that wiped out millions of people while the government continued to export more than enough food to care for their people. Why do they not mention how it was a small army made up of the people who rose up and ran out the British one last time less than 100 years ago? Why do we not see the strength of these people who have held onto their language and heritage in spite of those who tried to crush it out of them?

So with this new understanding of the history of the Republic of Ireland I have a few insights. Of course I am only an outsider who has had the privilege of visiting for just a few days so I am aware that I am certainly not seeing the whole picture but these are my thoughts:

• When the Protestant British ruled this Catholic nation they treated the Irish with hate both for their nationality and their religion. Seeing that it was less than 100 years ago with ongoing strife, it is clear why this country may struggle to hear the Gospel presented by Protestants.
• For so many years this country endured outsiders coming in to tell them how to live and when American missionaries come to this land to save the Irish and set up American style churches it can be a familiar tune that they have heard and naturally reject.
• These people are worth the patience and effort of building relationships with to have the opportunity of sharing God's love in a real way.
• Rather than coming to this land to share the watered down gospel of the US church this land needs to hear the empowering message of freedom and love that Jesus came and presented to a people who were living in their own occupied land. A message that started a different sort of revolution more powerful than they can ever imagine.
  
• I am extremely proud of my sister and her family who have come here with a one way ticket mentality. Coming here to serve- literally....painting over graffiti, fixing up homes of forgotten elderly, painting the homes of single moms. Doing whatever they can to love a people who are not used to outsiders coming just to show love. They gather with friends who may still attend Mass but long to know Jesus in a new way. They are not rushing, pushing or trying to grow something. Rather, they are loving this city with all they have. Living by faith as they wait for promised support to come their way. Clinging to God and each other when the money is delayed but knowing that the suffering will come to an end because their Father has not forgotten them.
  

I have a new respect for this land and the O'Tooles who have come here to share the empowering message of God's love. If you would like to learn more about what the O'Tooles are doing in Galway please click here.

If you would like to purchase a calendar of beautiful photographs that Tim O'Toole has taken in Western Ireland for $20 please click here.

A Splash

Growing up in New England, Fall was always my favorite season. The crisp air, the bright blue sky, the vibrant rich leaves forming canopies of fire or dancing on the street as if they were celebrating the season. The smell of fireplaces and the sound of crunching leaves. It screams of perfection to me! Beauty all around me in a million ways.

Moving to Houston was a no brainer for us. It was close to family, stablish economy and Rob had a job offer. The only thing holding me back? No Autumn. No colors, crispness, no true pumpkin patches. I had to ask Father for grace and strength to make a decision that was good for my family even though it was a sacrifice of beauty.

Three years later and I find myself on the look out for the colors because they are there. I have learned that there is always beauty to be found. I might have to look through the rain or glare of the relentless sun but it is there. A tree with a few orange leaves or a splash of red in the midst of the cattle grazing by the highway.

 I realize that I may not have what I once did but it makes what I do have even more precious. I am learning that I can sit and long for the beauty of yesterday or I can embrace the new beauty of today.

Pros and Cons

My 7 year old daughter's Pros and Cons list for Homeschooling

Pros                                                            Cons
-I learn more                                 -More friends
-More time to read                         -Class Projects
-I can focus more                         
-More activities to choose from(art class, ballet,etc)
-More Family Time


I found this very interesting and encouraging to hear her view of things and to see the things she values. Now to figure out what to do with this info.

What Sending My Kids to School Has Taught Me

I never set out to homeschool my children. It was never a conviction I had or something I grew up experiencing. I remember before we had kids we always talked about when our kids would go to school. We really started home educating because my little girl  was too much of a smarty pants to not do something with her. A couple of years later and it became a good financial option as we could not afford private school and public school was one option we felt strongly against for our family. This year we have found ourselves in a position to send our kids to a private school that we are thankful to have found. It met the three criteria we had: strong academic program, prominent Biblical worldview and secure facility (which tends to be lacking in many private schools).  So, we are wrapping up our first 9 weeks and this is what I have learned:

1. I now truly believe that homeschooling is the best option for us.
2. I was doing a great job teaching my kids.
3. I like being around my kids and learning with them.
4. Some people really do have a closed mind or attitude towards homeschooling for no founded reason.
5. Sometimes 2nd best has to be enough and it's ok that it's not perfect.
6. Giving your kids 2nd best is crummy.
7. My kids are brilliant and that has nothing to do with me.
8. God has a way of making up for what is lacking.
9. I now can better define to people why I value home educating over group educating.

Anyway, these were just some of my random thoughts. It's where we are today and I don't really know how long we will be in this season but it is what it is for now.

Stuck In the Middle

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.
                          -Steeler's Wheel

For 30+ years I was part of a culture that wasn't perfect but definitely significant. For the past 4 years I have been questioning and rejecting much of that culture. Looking at it from different angles and seeing all the things I don't want to be part of anymore. I found myself in a subculture of the world I had always known. It was challenging and resonated with so many of my longings and beliefs. But soon that subculture began to look more and more like all the rest and it was no longer for me. Still beautiful in many ways but not for me.

So now where do I go? Do I return to the original culture knowing that there are no perfect places and I should just accept it for what it is? Do I move forward to a totally new culture but I fear that will end like the last two in disappointment and frustration.

I know there are no perfect places. I feel stuck between two worlds and I am not sure how to proceed. My belief system drives me in every way and now that my beliefs are all topsy turvy I am feeling quite uneasy. How is it that a culture so flawed was a place I personally experienced great joy and amazing outcomes all while being disgusted by the system itself? Now I feel great contentment with the system but wonder if I will ever see the same amazing outcomes?

Which way is right? Right for us? Right for our kids?

I'm feeling stuck...

So, I am trying to focus on the things I know. Trying to let go of control and allow Him to lead. Quiet myself long enough to hear His voice and allow Him to lead me. Somehow I don't think all of this matters as much to Him. In some ways I think it's much like parenting. Nursing vs. Bottle Feeding, to spank or not to spank, homeschool or send to school. No one can say exactly which one is RIGHT! It's more like which one is healthiest for our family and brings us closer to HIM. The early church was flawed yet beautiful. It was beautiful yet flawed. I think if it was a matter of right and wrong we would see it more clearly defined in scriptures. I think the make up of the church was in part purposely left to our imaginations. I definitely don't think the majority of what we see occurring in church today is how it was defined and I think that is where I get frustrated. When churches- a culture- tries to make their agenda or their plans gospel! I don't see 90% of today's church experience anywhere in the Bible so maybe we shouldn't be so dogmatic about it all.

I want to walk in freedom. Freedom to be who He created me to be and worshipping in a way that pleases Him. So, maybe I will just keep breathing and listening and worshipping and seeking. I don't want to miss a moment of Him while trying to figure this all out.

You Didn't Miss Much

So here are some of the status updates I wanted to post while I was away from Social Media these last two weeks....


I keep thinking of status updates! I have no one to tell. Nor do I have anyone I can tell that I don't have anyone to tell.

Really?! I got up at 5:00AM to pray and found that Sam was already up!

Food is like a friend who is nice to me to my face but if I turn around and look at my ass I see that she's been making fun of me behind my back all along! Not cool!

It's not even 8:00PM and it's getting dark!

Desperately missing New England this season!

Wow. It's not even eight and its dark

Savoring moments...

Is it really savoring if I am still thinking of status updates?

Nothing like watching my daughter show me off at school when I met her for
lunch.

Girl time! Her first pedicure!

Sometimes I feel like a foreigner and other times I wish I felt more like one.

I refuse to believe this is all life has to offer

I am more and more convinced that God created me to enjoy life as opposed to
struggling and building things

Wow! I almost blocked out that we have 3 more years of this.

Dunkin Donuts and Aldis in one morning. If it wasn't so muggy out I might feel
like I was up north again.

Beautiful time of worship with the body of Christ this morning. Love my family!

Ok AMC enough with trying to shove your new show down out throats!

My heart is racing! It's like they saved the best for last!

Am I the only one who thinks roadside memorials are a bit tacky?#yesIsaidIt

For the past 2 weeks the 10 day forecast says we will be in the 80's. lies,
lies,lies!!!!

How is it that 20 years later I am transported to seeing my mom standing in the
doorway upon hearing news about me every time I blow dry my hair?!

I can't stop thinking about Walt and Marie and Jesse this morning.

I think the actress playing Holly should get an Emmy! She totally made me feel
what she was feeling as she said her big line... Mama? And don't get me started
on that telling look she face the fireman! #emmyworthy

Getting ready for Waffles Under the Stars tonight!#cares

Shout out to Nathan, Bert and Kehinde for all of your help tonight at Waffles
Under the Stars! We served close to 70 neighbors tonight!

Not Too Tight

The longing for a child- a daughter- defined me for so long and then I was given my Malinda. My beautiful little auburn headed girl with the freckles on her face. So brilliant that I can't help but think that God took extra care in making this one. With her sensitive spirit and her passion for discovery. He desire to please and her ambition to try. I adore her. I hold tightly to her. I dream and I plan and I fail her.

I remember when she was just a baby hearing the tender but clear voice of my Father- her Creator - telling me- if you hold on too tight she will squeeze out of your hand. Like sand at the beach.

Some days I worry and focus on her future so much I can forget to cherish the now. Forget that the now forms her tomorrow.  I have been convinced that she will run away and reject me as soon as she is old enough and as I am focused on this I make myself unavailable and harsh.

I refuse to allow myself to get lost in my own head and my fears. She is my Malinda but she is His daughter. He has a plan for her and part of His plan was to make me her mom. So, I have to trust that He knew what He was doing and just go with it.

I will say the wrong things at the wrong time and I know I will yell too much. But I will love and hug and laugh and say I am sorry as often as I need to. If the day comes that she needs a break from me, there are days I wish I could have a break from me, I will give her that space knowing that she and I will be ok and God isn't finished with either of us yet.